


When The Moon Makes You Hungry

by Bean712



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Genre: Crack, Funny, Majora's Mask, Mask salesman, Oneshot, Tatl - Freeform, crackfic, link - Freeform, the legend of zelda - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bean712/pseuds/Bean712
Summary: But with just over 6 hours remaining, the only ones who remained were the foolishly brave or bravely foolish. Some cases, both.In still OTHER cases, they were just HUNGRY as FUCK.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	When The Moon Makes You Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo. First work on here. I made myself chuckle. Hope you enjoy and let me know if you'd like to see other works by me :)

Clock Town’s Clock Tower stood empty and silent as the Final Hours drew ever closer. Except they didn’t draw closer, they thundered closer, rumbled, screeched their arrival with every passing minute without a single sound, only cold, cold silence.

The Town itself only stood as it had for ages—well, maybe not ages, who knew how old this place was, or if it was even real at all. Merely 24 hours before, it had been bustling with music--if not a tad quickened—people had been going about their days, cleaning and working, the head construction guy working especially hard—if not a tad anxiously. Only 24 hours before that the Moon had been a harmless body in the sky, the only excitement in the Town being for the upcoming Carnival of Time. Well, perhaps there was a bit of confusion about the strange straw imp spritzing about, or the sad-looking  Deku kid rushing around with its funny sounding squeaks. But no one gave it too much thought— Termina was plentiful in its quaint oddities and pleasant unpredictability.

But with just over 6 hours remaining, the only ones who remained were the foolishly brave or bravely foolish. Some cases, both.

In still OTHER cases, they were just HUNGRY as FUCK.

It’s not like he WANTED to see the Moon fall. The terrifying grimace somehow stretched into the stony surface was none-too appealing, tooth fetish or not. Every hour that passed, he’d look up to the sky out of habit and be greeted by an ever-increasing amount of gruesome detail that the Moon offered, each time more...articulate than the last. I mean damn, he was pretty sure he’d rather crash and burn than look like that too. Can’t blame the guy, I guess. 

Link had finally gotten all the temples that this  particular land had to offer. With the gristly remans in hand, he’d returned to Clock Town to disclose some affairs before he got up and personal with the Moon. With 12 hours remaining in this Final Cycle, he had some downtime for the  first time in... a while. Link knows he  _ probably _ should be collecting some last rupees for a Chateau Romani, boosting his magic reserves for his final showdown with that twerp Skull Kid. Hell, he remembered when that little fuck was still prancing around in the Lost Woods, begging Link to play him a song or two on his Ocarina. He hadn’t given the imp too much thought then (then again nether did he for the Water Temple, and look how that turned out), but holy FUCK was he proving to be a HUGE pain in the ass now. It was at this moment he vowed he was never having kids. Well, one of many moments. That  Goron kid had an impressive voice box, not  gonna lie. But not as impressive as Link’s restraint  so as to not grab him by the neck and toss him off the icy cliff edge. I mean,  its not like they had any neck anyway.

But Link figured he deserved a  _ little  _ fun with so many people out of town. Even the annoying ball of harsh light that was his fairy companion couldn’t convince him otherwise, hard as she tried to.

“Are. You. CUH—RAAAZY!!!”, she shrieked,  titchy wings buzzing angrily. “The MOOOOOOON’S. GUUNNAAA. FAAAAAALLL!!!!!!” Link resisted the urge to elbow her and resigned to throwing her one of his best dirty looks, of which he had many. Most of which, he mused, were reserved for that bastard mask salesman. Every time Link looked at  Tatl , he was reminded of one of those old janky,  flickery yellow lightbulbs that make you want to grind your teeth. Well, perhaps that was a bit harsh. She had a  _ slightly  _ less unpleasant appearance when she wasn’t screaming about the various things that he was doing wrong. Which, to be fair, was most of the time. Granted he was sure only  _ half  _ the time was he  actually doing something wrong. Weird.

Tatl continued serenading him with insults as she buzzed around his head, quite reminiscent of a gnat, only bigger and brighter. And louder. Link finally sighed and made his way toward the milk bar, once he got dizzy glaring at her. Just before he reached the door however, the daisy-hued fairy buzzed in front of him indignantly and hovered near his nose. “WHAT. Are you doing!? Hold on. Uh... what exactly are we doing?” It had finally dawned on her to inquire about his intentions instead of stating the obvious truth hanging over their heads. Link snorted and she reeled back huffily. “Fine. Don’t tell me  nothin ’. I didn’t  wanna hear it anyway.” He tossed his head in response. Link knew he was being childish, but he was HUNGRY. He was  gonna go shake that bar  owner down for some free food before kicking  Skull Kid’s ass back to Hyrule. 

“WHAT?! You’re  gonna EAT?! We don’t have TIIIIME for that!” Tatl exclaimed.

“Maybe YOU don’t, but  _ I  _ sure as hell do. And time’s the only thing we do have. Plenty of it, dummy.” He responded.

“OHHHH. Well  wouldja look at Mr. VULGAR Mouth over HERE. Well, I guess we’ll see just how much time we have when we’re SQUASHED FLAT” she retorted heatedly. Link rolled his eyes. If she wanted to see potty mouth, she should catch  Malon on a bad day. Entering the bar,  Tatl flew begrudgingly into his hat, putting a pause on their argument for now, but Link knew he’d lose an ear listening to her scream about it later.

His sour mood evaporated upon reaching the bar counter. Where the burly bar owner usually stood was empty, no sign of anyone in the bar, in fact. It was completely quiet save for the occasional threatening rumble from the heavens, knocking the tiny cow cups together. He should’ve known something was off with the door being unlocked and no one checking for his “proof of membership” -- a ridiculous cow mask that was still unequivocally one of his favorites among his collection. The stage where he had painstakingly performed in with 4 different forms (do you know HARD it is to play  Deku pipes for more than 5 seconds?), in exchange for a particularly sad-looking mask given to him by, well, he couldn’t remember his name, so he just referred to him as Ingo in his head, was empty. The spotlights were dimmed, the counters bare, and the cabinets still open as though the occupants had left in a hurry. The bar owner, the stout Zora guy, Not-Ingo, and Madame Aroma—Kafei's mother, all frequenters of the bar, where nowhere in sight. It was odd, he the realized—the bar had always seemed to have  _ someone  _ in it, no matter the hour. Speaking of hours, the tower outside CRASHED as it announced the beginning of the final 6 hours, the eerie boom resounding through the ground and sending a shiver up his spine that snapped him and  Tatl back to the present. Link shook himself and let loose a small grin. FINALLY. THIS MILK WOULD BE HIS. 

Tatl yelped in surprise as he leapt over the counter, landing shakily on the other side. Damn, he really could use some milk. The fairy zipped out of his hat and began interrogating him. “OI WHAT THE FU--” Link chucked a bottle at her to shut her up and it shattered across the floor, milk spreading all over the tiles. Tatl fumed silently for a moment before she zoomed back towards her companion. Link was rummaging through a crate of bottles, looking for one in particular.  Tatl sniffed. “WHAT are you looking for?” she inquired shrilly. Link glanced back towards her and tossed another bottle her way, grinning when she dodged only to fly into one of the many antique cow glasses, tipping and cracking it. Well, he supposed, that was one way to tip the cow. TECHNICALLY, he was supposed to be an adult, and he knew this, but it's not like anyone was around to criticize, and hardly anyone treated him like one anyway. Which was to be expected, of course, but he couldn’t help but miss those days. Especially the height. But Goddesses be damned if he wasn’t  gonna take advantage of this moment in all its glory. “Chateau Romani” he said in response to  Tatl’s question. She huffed, but Link was too distracted to give a scathing retort. Something has caught his eye. 

Scuffling back farther into the storage room, there was a huge basket filled entirely with...

“Are those apples?” A voice inquired, right next to his ear. Link jumped and turned to give  Tatl the third or fourth dirty look that day. No, that hour. He was building his own arsenal of looks reserved just for her, right up there along with the mask salesman.  Tatl snickered and he rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to what was indeed a huge basket filled entirely with apples. Link reached forward to grab one, half expecting a trapdoor to open underneath him or an arrow to come zipping out of nowhere to kill him. Imagine, the Hero of Time dying at the hands of an apple hoarder.

When nothing happened, he spent no time taking a huge bite of the crisp fruit. His eyes widened in surprise at how fresh it was, or tasted, at least. He’d expected it to be a tad flat, who knows how long they’d been back here...

Link was interrupted from his apple musings by shrill, twinkly laughter from beside him.  Tatl was vibrating brightly in the air next to him, her voice laced with mirth. “PFFFFFT HAHHHA! YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS! You like you haven’t had an apple in YEARS!” she continued laughing heartily. Link grumbled but smiled all the same. It really did feel like years since he’d last had one, perhaps all the way back in  Kokiri forest, now that he thought about it. Saria had shown him a tree she’d  found, and kept hidden from Mido and the other jokesters. She’d tried her hand at making  pie, but was none-too  successful . Link couldn’t have been happier with the results, though, so it didn’t go to waste.

Now, he was with  Tatl , not Navi, with the  Kokiri Sword, not the Master Sword, the “Hero’s Sheild”, not  Hylian . The Ocarina of Time, not the Fairy Ocarina, with masks, not sage medallions, with Romani and  Cremia , not  Malon and Talon.

He was in  Termina , not Hyrule. The Moon was falling, not  Ganondorf rising.

With a small,  fairly contented sigh, Link rose up and stuffed as many apples as he could in his pouch, his cap, his tunic. He looked ridiculous, but he was used to it by now. You had to be, being the Hero and whatnot. With the Fierce Deity Mask, Chateau Romani, bow, his wits about him, and even Tatl, who even now was still struggling to suppress her giggles, he’d beat Skull Kid, and then Majora.

Later, when the Moon was back in the sky, the Carnival of Time was going on, and weddings were in place, the people would pass a rumor of a strange, hunched man with a sack full of masks waiting just outside town after everything was said and done. There were witnesses of a kid in green waltz up to him, tunic stuffed with what looked like fruit? Look up at him with the most adult “sick of your shit”  face, and toss down about 20 different masks at his feet, including Majora’s. Then, apple in mouth, they say he tossed an apple down on top of the pile, and walked away, never to be seen again. But not before he spits “For your trouble.” at the man, at which the guy just  _ reels---  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hm, more serious than I originally intended. Got a little cute towards the end if I do say so myself. Anyway, hoped I made your day a little better, and that you enjoyed. Have a great day everyone.


End file.
